11.04.2015

Inspirational Quotes for a Moderate Fee

These days no one can get through the soul-crushing monotony of life without a little help. That's why I'm getting in the inspirational quote business. Feel free to print these up and send me $50 for each one you use.


  • Fate whispers to the warrior, "You cannot withstand the storm," and the warrior whispers back, "Who in the fuck just said that?" because fate is invisible.
  • A good attitude will take you further than a good resume, I mean unless you've got a really kick-ass resume. Like, if you've got some top ad agency listed, people will probably put up with your shit.
  • Do or do not; I don't care either way. Stop asking me.
  • When you look back and see one set of footprints in the sand, check the water because Jesus could be attacking by sea.
  • The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be touched, at least not by a shlub like you.
  • Nothing is impossible, but for all intents and purposes lots of shit is impossible.
  • What you do today can improve all your tomorrows, or really fuck up someone else's tomorrows.
  • Aim for the moon. Seriously Fuck that fucking moon. Smug piece of shit.
  • The secret to getting ahead is getting started with an overwhelming advantage in wealth and privilege.
  • A good name will shine forever, or hopefully at least until you're dead. Did you know Gandhi was a child molester and Mother Theresa was a nihilistic sadist?
  • Happiness depends upon ourselves and our ability to find someone to do weird sex stuff with.

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