Lose Weight. Get Healthy. Become a Remorseless Killing Machine.

So my gym has this poster in their window:

It's supposed to make you want to take a self defense class. I go to one of those gyms that's all Punch and Kick Your Way to Fitness, which is pretty fun and has helped me keep going because there's something insanely therapeutic about beating the shit out of a cage bag at 6:30 in the morning.

But I'm not really sure who I'm supposed to identify with on this poster. Surely not the guy being choked to death, right? Talk about a pain point sell. I guess "Hey don't get choked to death" is a pretty direct pitch for self defense classes, but it seems kind of morbid.

Which leaves the other option: the cold, emotionless man choking a living, breathing human to death without so much as blinking. And of the two, yeah, that's definitely who I'd prefer to be. But Christ, man, could he at least look like he's affected by this? Make him mean, make him scared, just make him something besides a weird Agent 47-style psychopath murdering like it's the most banal part of his day.

The only way it could be worse is if he was holding his finger to his lips as if to say, "Shhhhhh."

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