Is This Really All That Arousing?

There's a strip club near my office. Despite the fact that everyone instantly "jokingly" asks, I've never been in. I've yet to visit a strip club in Washington, mainly because: 
  • As a person over the age of 25 I like to think I've outgrown throwing down $15 for a beer.
  • My last experience in a strip club was slightly less than awesome.
  • I'm happily married and, failing that, I have an internet connection if I really need to see naked ladies.
  • Strip clubs in Washington don't serve booze and don't let the dancers get naked.
That's right. Strip clubs with no stripping. So whatever. But the club outside my office has a giant video board advertising all the boobs and butts you apparently can't see inside. So I get to look at that all day out the window, which is nice.

Lately they've been advertising a "Topless Tug o' War" and, to be honest, I'm unsure how that's supposed to be enticing. Of all the gym class activities I could envision topless women performing for my titillation, tug of war is pretty low on the list. Way below topless dodgeball, topless floor hockey, and even topless-we're-doing-line-dancing-for-a-week-and-nobody-knows-why.

I can't really picture this as sexy. Do...do the boobs jiggle differently while straining to pull a rope? Will they be pulled into something, like a pit of jello or whatever, that would look good on boobs? Is it just the Roman gladiator aspect of semi-nude combat that's arousing? 

I'm curious and also horrified to see what kind of person is lured by the promise of a topless tug of war. I hope they don't have to do it in those stiletto heels; "topless broken ankles" sounds even less sexy.


And This is Clearly the Worst Super Bowl Ad and Maybe the Worst Ad in History

What the fuck, Utah?

This is the Greatest Super Bowl Ad Ever

Okay, so in terms of entertainment, that was probably the worst Super Bowl ever played. People may have favorites, but I kind of feel like the much-ballyhooed commercials weren't really much better. Unless, of course, you were in Savannah, GA. Then you got to see one ambulance chaser run what is clearly the most insane and amazing Super Bowl ad in history: