3.15.2013

Let's Snuggle

I surf the internet. A lot. Too much, probably, but if I didn't then I wouldn't learn about stuff like a Cuddle Cafe in Japan, where you can pay money to lie next to a real, live, GIRL. For 20 minutes. With no touching or kissing or anything. But still. A GIRL.

I can only imagine the gnarly, unwashed, barely-human types of people who will show up to plunk down money for a chance just to occupy a bed with a probably-very-afraid Japanese woman. I can't decide if I would rather be a cuddle slut or just a regular ol' prostitute. At least the prostitute can write salacious blogs for the Wall Street Journal or tell-all books or something. Who the hell cares about Snuggle Johns? "Oh, some really weird dudes come into your business where you charge money to lie your head down on their lap? DO TELL."

Then I learned it's not just a "LOL, Japan" thing. There's a place in Rochester, NY called The Snuggery where one of two not-very-attractive women will happily provide you with the "physical benefits of non-sexual touch" for a modest fee. And I say not-very-attractive not to belittle these women (okay, kind of to belittle them) but to point out that there are plenty of people offering FREE snuggling all over the world who can't get any takers due to some sort of physical or psychological abnormality that makes people just not want to cuddle up to them. I can get "run of the mill" snuggling anywhere, lady. If I'm paying, I want to snuggle with a hottie, "non-sexual touch" be damned. 

My wife, after rolling her eyes and bemoaning the state of humanity, joked that I'd be great at this. 

"Yeah, you're awesome at snuggling. I'd pay top dollar for your snugs." It got me thinking. I'm certainly not too proud to sell my body, and I just like attention no matter who's giving it to me. Maybe I am cut out to be a cuddle slut. Cuddling only, of course, no funny stuff, but why not? An idea formed in my head.

"Okay, what if I start a cuddle club, but I also capitalize on Seattle's obsession with food trucks!" Kat stared at me, dumbfounded. "You know, a snug truck!" Still no response. "It'd just be a conversion van with a mattress in the back, and I could pull up to different business neighborhoods on lunch breaks and, y'know, snuggle people. For money."

She didn't say no, but to be fair she still hasn't said much of anything. 

1 comment:

mart schonberg said...

jeanne said that you give good hugs.