The Importance of Choosing a Font

Kat's at the point in her culinary school career where she's regularly making menus and things and sometimes seeks my advice for certain design ideas to fancy things up a bit (i.e. "How do I center a paragraph?"). This makes me feel helpful and knowledgeable and generally strokes my fragile male ego, because I can usually figure out MS Word despite the fact that we use it on a Mac and Microsoft took what was a serviceable word processor and turned it into the buggiest, most non-responsive piece of shit in computing history when it runs on an Apple machine (guess we should switch to a PC, HAR HAR HAR!).

Usually, Kat's questions revolve around fonts. Like the other night when she was obsessing, as she sometimes does because she is a super anal perfectionist about things, about the font for her menu. I was pretty confident that the menu would be graded more on the ingredients and recipes since it's culinary school, but it was important to her and she wanted tips. She also wanted me to talk her out of using Comic Sans, which I'm happy to say I did. We briefly discussed things like serifs, italicized type, and in the end she went with some perfectly-fine-but-generic-enough fonts and was pleased.

The point is I've had fonts on the brain for a few days. 

So this morning I was riding the bus in to work (OH GOD NOT ANOTHER BUS STORY) when I saw this:

Adopt me. IF YOU DARE.

That's when the importance of a good font really hit me. I guess whoever designed this wanted this little terrier or whatever the hell it is to seem like it's had a rough life, like he's on the streets. Maybe that sign's supposed to look handmade, in which case I can't tell if I should be ecstatic that the Animal Shelter has dogs that can write English or offended at their co-opting of homeless people to get people to adopt animals. 
But the font. The FONT! That's not "friendly puppy dog looking for a home" font. That's like the font they open an episode of
Intervention with. That's a criminal font. That's a font that conveys mental illness, thinly-veiled aggression, and possibly rape. None of those things I want in my little terrier dog. It totally changes the tone of the ad! His adorable little puppy dog head is cocked all inquisitively, but next to that satanic ADOPT ME text it seems as if he's uttering a raspy-voiced command. "Adopt me, god dammit. Adopt me you pathetic fuck! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! ADOOOOOOOOOOOOPT!"

And PS, "Adopt Me" is a terrible slogan. How 'bout "Bring Home a New Best Friend!" or something? You can have that one for free, Seattle Animal Shelter. Just don't use the rape-dog font.

And don't use Comic Sans, either.

No comments: