10.21.2011

I Probably Should Have Thought That Through

I play Dungeons & Dragons once a week with friends, because at the age of 29 I realized I had not been mercilessly ridiculed enough in my life. Anyway, it makes for a late night and since my wife is up at the ass crack of dawn every morning to get to culinary school, she's usually asleep when I get home. I tried sneaking into bed without waking her up last night when the following transpired:

Kat: "Hnh? Oh, hi honey."
Me: "Hey. Sorry for waking you."
Kat: "It's okay. Did you have fun?"
Me: "Yeah. I made Kristy suck my dick."
Kat: ..."What?"
Me: "In the game. My elf charmed her cleric because she wouldn't do her job and heal us. Then I made her suck my dick."
Kat: "Why would you do that to her? What the fuck game are you playing?"
Me: "It wasn't her, it was a cleric named Turnip."
Kat: ..."Whatever. Goodnight."
Me: "Turnip's a dude."
...
Me: "I guess that doesn't make it any better."
...
Me: "Okay. G'night."

10.18.2011

A Quick Lesson in Business PR: Help Your Dying Employees

I have to offer some completely unsolicited advice to Time Warner Cable: when one of your employees slumps over dead, don't tell people to ignore it and go back to work.

Sadly, this advice comes too late for a customer service call center in Ohio, where 67-year-old Julia Nelson slumped over at her desk. When a co-worker realized she wasn't breathing and started performing CPR in an attempt to resuscitate Nelson or keep her alive until EMS could arrive, a supervisor told her to "get back on the phone and take care of customers." Another supervisor allegedly chimed in that the employee performing CPR could be sued if something went wrong.

Uh, what?