Dear Lady at the Grocery Store,
I know it can be really tough to manage an unruly kid in a public setting. I mean, you can't just scream back. You definitely can't hit 'em, at least not while there are witnesses. But you still have to stop their tantrum or antics because they're bugging the shit out of everyone else. That's why I applaud your efforts to tow the line between decorum and discipline. I think screaming "TYSON QUIT BEING A LITTLE RETARD AND GET OVER HERE!" at your seven-year-old not only lets your kid know who's boss, but it lets us know that you're a loving and attentive parent.