10.25.2014

Badvertising: "I sentence myself to die?"

I guess my complaining about rats in my attic and web searches for pest removal have triggered some sort of cookie that leads to me seeing a ton of ads for Tomcat rat poison, like this one (you might have to click it to enlarge):



I have kind of a visceral revulsion at tracking like this, but I realize I'm basically fighting the tides at this point. So whatever, at least killing rodents is slightly more relevant to my interests than day-glo blazers. But what the fuck is going on with this ad?

There is another variation of this with a little mouse in a cowboy hat who, I think, shoots himself dead. He gets little cartoon Xs over his eyes and everything. I sort of dismissed it out of hand, but when I saw this bizarre take on rodent criminal justice I paused, with a lot of questions in my mind.

What sort of schizophrenic pitch is this? 
Why is the mouse wearing a barrister's wig? 
Oh, wait, I guess he's wearing it because he's an actual mouse barrister. 
Okay, well why the fuck is the mouse a barrister? 
Why would he sentence himself to die? 
What did this mouse do that was so horrible and malevolent that he not only fell from the grace of his position in the high court of, presumably the UK, but was also compelled to sentence himself? 
How could he have possibly been so overwhelmed with grief, shame, and guilt as to condemn himself to die? 
Is that even allowed? 
Surely he would have to recuse himself from mouse court, right? 
Why would mouse court still abide by the death penalty in this day and age?
What other sorts of crimes would mouse court preside over?

You'll notice none of those questions was "Where do I get Tomcat rodent poison?" 

10.24.2014

Close to Home

I'm late to the party with this, but oh god I've never had my professional existence reduced to its core with such savage precision.



Maybe I could go work in a coffee shop or something.

10.15.2014

Talk About Wasted Money

Someone, somewhere, paid money for my impression on this ad:

Which means that someone, somewhere, was sold a bill of goods. Even if I was the type of guy to buy blazers...who the fuck would wear one of these in public? The Joker? 

Even the idea that you might see these on some red carpet somewhere, worn by clueless, vapid douchebags with too much money doesn't hold water: they're $11 blazers. In day-glo colors. I can only imagine the quality of production involved.

Sorry, struggling, blind producer of cheap-ass blazers. I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

9.23.2014

Diary of Descent: August

July

August 2
3:30p


TOP SECRET/SENSITIVE

The use of lethal force is hereby authorized and required to contain and subdue any affected individuals in affected areas. At this time deployment priority is no longer evacuation/rescue. Full priority will be given to subduing/containing any individuals exhibiting the following: