Now You Can Eat Russell Wilson's Balls

I know, I know: FINALLY. We've all waited for this day since that dreamy 5'10 touchdown machine breezed into Seattle with his squeaky clean Jesus shtick and the most annoying insurance commercials since the GEICO cavemen. 

Side note: who is the sadder individual, the person who said the Lowe's robot assistant was his new best friend, or the person furiously typing questions to the "Ask Russell" app to get canned responses like some weird insurance shilling version of Cleverbot?

The '90s Were a Weird TIme


Go Go P-...holy shit.

Did you watch Power Rangers as a kid? I did. It was one of those shows that I'd watch even though it wasn't all that great, just to prolong the Saturday morning sugar rush.

And now Power Rangers grew up.


Props to This Social Media Manager

"You can fuck in our elevators" must've been a tough pitch to sell to the folks at Thompson Hotels.


Rejected Titles for Your Autobiography

After an extensive round of focus group testing, we've narrowed it down to this list for you to pick from:

  1. Whole Lotta Blood
  2. 33 Years a White Guy
  3. My Only Notable Achievement is Having Read all the Dune Books, Even the Shitty Ones Frank Hebert's Kid Wrote
  4. Not Enough Meat in the Meat Locker
  5. Just Keep Spraying Axe Deodorant and Everything Will Work Out
  6. You Can Be Addicted to Anything if You Try
  7. Lice! Lice! Lice!
  8. ...And the Spots Never Did Wash Out
  9. I Don't Think You Understand Just How Much Ass I'm Willing to Eat
  10. One Woman's 57-year Quest to Oversexualise The Flintstones