2.08.2016

WE SHALL REMEMBER THIS DAY

Scribes! Take chisels to your tablets, and record for posterity this momentous occasion! Let it be known on this day, and on all days forever more, that Randall Cleveland did receive his company's first ever "Tip of the Hat" award! Such a blessing is received only by those who "do their job, you know, well, but not like enough to change the direction of the company or anything."

Yes, though it may not be the lustily-coveted "Rave Award," it is a Tip of the Cap. And it is mine. Forever.

1.06.2016

You Know What, Apple?

These proprietary headphone adapters and charging cables are getting ridiculous. 



Also, what doofus in Marketing cooked up "Babypod" when "PoonBox" or "Wet-O-Blaster" were right there for the taking? 

12.16.2015

Steak Cooking Instructions Inspire Fierce Dick Measuring

I wonder if the article of this Sploid article detailing how to cook a steak had any sense of what they were about to inflict on the world. Surely they had, as everyone who's ever written something that will be read by people in the internet has had, a vague sense of foreboding. Because it's a weird rule of humanity that if something is on the internet, and that thing has an option to comment on it, you can guarantee some assholes are going to show up and voice increasingly horrific things about and directly to each other. Regardless of your content.

Some places are better than others, and each site's comments section has its own particular flavor of bleak nihilistic horror. And as a Gawker site, Sploid is no stranger to the usuals: racism, homophobia, whiny "WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS" tumblrina types, people who have no stake in any of it but have decided to feel offended on behalf of some person or group who's not actually present, etc. 

But even knowing all that and despite my jaded indifference to life at large and most of the shit I find on the internet, I was downright impressed at the amount of anonymous e-peen measuring going on in a article about cooking a fucking steak. I guess it's sort of relevant, so the gist of the article is: salt and pepper it, sous vide it (aka boil it in a bag), then sear the outside.

You can agree or not that this would make a good streak. I don't give a shit either way, to be honest. But these people do:

12.04.2015

Scott Weiland

"Core" by Stone Temple Pilots was the first CD I ever owned. My religious aunt bought it for me not realizing exactly what she had just done, which is kind of weird considering back then she was slightly reactionary with the religious shit and the cover of that album does not look like anything you'd confuse for a bible songbook:



Also just while we're on the subject: HOLY FUCK THAT IS THE MOST '90S TYPESET YOU COULD POSSIBLY CONCEIVE.